By Sunita Menon, Psychotherapist – Specialised in CBT & Sex Therapy

The movie Dear Zindagi with Shah Rukh Khan as Dr. Jug in it, was a game-changer for therapy and therapists I would like to believe. It created for the viewers an almost idyllic world of therapy. Reality fortunately or unfortunately is somewhere in between. For instance we therapists are unconditional and non-judgemental no doubt but for sure we don’t walk on the beach or go cycling with our clients. Why, we even don’t acknowledge our clients in public until and unless they make the first move. So dictates our professional ethics bound by privacy and confidentiality clauses.

Therapy is a process. A brain spa for some, a brain dump for others and even a brain reboot for many. We see clients who have mental health issues, addictions, mood disorders, on medication, couples with marital disharmony, families with conflict, and individuals with simply overwhelming events, situations and people in their lives. And since we are not medical doctors, therapists don’t hand out prescriptions and diagnosis. For psychometric tests to assess mental health issues we send our clients to clinical psychologists and for a diagnosis and medication (as the case may be) we refer them to a psychiatrist.

Many therapists are eclectic in their approach, while some of us do specialise in a particular approach. I for instance, am a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist (CBT) and also a certified Sex Therapist. Its imperative and definitely not rude for you to check in with your therapist as to what their approach to therapy is. It could range from Behavioural, Cognitive, Humanistic, to Integrative or Psychodynamic in approaches. All of which are distinctly different from each other. CBT, of course, today is the gold standard in approaches. It is based on the belief that if distorted cognition is addressed in therapy, both behaviour and emotions become healthy as a result. The focus in CBT is on negative automatic thinking, what we call Negative Automatic  Thoughts (NATs).

Not all our clients come in eagerly. Some for themselves (the perfect scenario), some for others (to cope with a family member who has a physical or mental illness/disorder), and some who have no choice but to (given an ultimatum). A mixed bag really. Each with their own set of challenges. But that’s the essence of therapy — a unique experience for the therapist and client, establishing a therapeutic alliance. In a structured and formal setting with boundaries and clearly stated expectations of one and other.

And now for the biggest expectation clients have of therapy. And the therapist. “Can you change me? Make me the best version of myself? Can I become what I once was?” etc. To which my standard reply is … A therapist can give you the toolkit (interventions) to fix issues in your life and even help navigate your reality but if you don’t keep using the tools (once we are done with therapy) and develop familiarity and confidence in using them, then perhaps yet again you might stumble. And that’s ok too. Remember, back you can come and together your therapist and you can once again open the toolkit and start the drill.