By Dr. K. Javeed Nayeem, MD

Yesterday, I was both delighted and distressed too, upon reading a piece of news on the front page of one of the newspapers that I read every day. That report was about a high-ranking lady IAS Officer of the Kerala cadre, who chose to bring her toddler son with her to the valedictory function of a private film festival she was attending, which is why I was delighted. Not many women in similar positions do something like this, even if they have little children who naturally expect every minute of their mothers’ attention round-the-clock.

The duo made a pretty picture, cuddling up with each other, oblivious of everything that was happening around them. The mother lovingly pecking the cheek of her child and the look of undiluted glee on the face of the kid, said it all and it was there for all to see!

The report went on to say that the lady came under sharp criticism from some quarters for her perfectly natural and harmless act, which is why I felt very distressed. I assert, that my angst was not misplaced in any way because the lady was attending what was only a private function, as an invitee and not an official government event, in her capacity as an officer. And, since what she was attending was a film festival, she must have thought that her three-and-a-half-year-old son would certainly enjoy some of the entertainment programmes that would invariably be interspersed in such an event.

Not just perfectly natural and normal thinking for any mother but in my opinion, a very essential bonding act for both mother and child, especially if the former happens to be a very busy working lady with very limited time to spend with her family. And, it needs no stressing here that any person wearing his or her civil service shoes, would naturally only be one such busybody.

We all need to remember two very important facts of life here. Firstly, that all government and private officials too, need to spend time with their family members, beyond the pressures and demands of their working lives and in doing so, this privilege and their privacy need to be accepted and respected too.

The second thing to keep in mind is that whatever a lady is professionally, when she has little children at home, she is foremost a mother and there is nothing wrong in her keeping them among her foremost priorities. And, there is also nothing unusual if her little children in turn, expect her to give them her undivided attention at all times. They cannot be expected to understand that there can be more pressing things that can draw away their mother from being with them. In doing this they are well within their rights!

So, in the case of this lady we are talking about, it is the people who found fault with her action who certainly did something wrong in casting aspersions on her and it is they who certainly need to correct their perspectives and perceptions. These days, just because more and more women are choosing to take up jobs for various reasons and sometimes compulsions too, it does not mean that they should be denied the privilege of giving priority to their roles as mothers where their children are concerned.

In fact, our children are the most important members of our society and they deserve the maximum attention from all of us, at all times, to ensure that they become the torch-bearers of our civilised state. Only then can this world become a better place for all of us to live in. And, to make this happen, can we think of someone other than their own mothers to play this crucial role? Do think about it!

Interestingly, this incident reminds me about something that happened long ago in my own life, which I have written about it in one of my earlier articles too.

While serving as a young physician, attached to a rural mission hospital in a very small village, I was invited as the chief guest for a primary school function. My then two-year-old daughter, Sarah, insisted that I should take her along with me, which I did without much persuasion, because I thought that she would certainly enjoy interacting with all the other children there.

As I began my speech, she began insisting that I should carry her in my arms, which too I did, because I was a very doting dad then, as I am even now! That is when in a loud voice, she announced into the microphone that her mom had asked her to remind me to bring her back home immediately after the function.

While this innocent remark had its own humorous effect and drew much applause and laughter from the audience, what it did to me a little later became the cause for much embarrassment for me. After the function was over, when I politely turned down the request of the organisers to stay back for the lunch they had arranged, as I usually do, one of the teachers remarked that I was perhaps in a hurry to go home because I was very scared of my wife!

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