Heart-wrenching suicide note of actress asks for forgiveness

Bengaluru/Kushalnagar: Budding Kannada television actor Savi Madappa alias Soujanya (25) was found dead under suspicious circumstances in an apartment at Doddabele village near Kumbalgodu on the outskirts of Bengaluru in neighbouring Ramanagara district yesterday. 

Police found a four-page note and they suspect that she may have died by suicide. Savi is the daughter of Cheekanda Prabhu Madappa and Renuka, residents of Basaveshwara Layout under Mullusoge Gram Panchayat in Kushalnagar of Kodagu District. 

Ramanagara Superintendent of Police (SP) Girish said that the Police were informed about the death at about 11 am on Thursday. Savi had acted in a couple of serials and films like ‘Chaukattu, ‘Fun’ and ‘Nanobbne Olleyavnu”.

Police went to the scene at once and recovered the note. Savi was living alone in the apartment for a year and half. Preliminary investigations by the Police suggest it was a case of death by suicide, but it can be ascertained only after the post-mortem report is completed.

 A suicide note signed by Savi Madappa speaks about problems with her mental health and not being able to cope. The actress living in Bengaluru has repeatedly apologised in the four-page note to her parents and other family members and friends. It seems to have been written over four days, suggesting she was contemplating suicide through this time. There is no indication of her having reached out for help.

 “I am only responsible for this…so family, please forgive me…I had promised I’ll never do such stupid thing in my life but I had no option. I was totally killed inside. Day by day, I was going so low. I never saw myself like before,” the note said.

 The COVID lockdown has been tough, like many others, on those working in the television and film industry. Many have been pushed into economic distress and some have spoken about depression. 

 The suicide note, written in English and Kodava language, revealed to the Police that she was preparing to take the extreme step and had written the four-page note for four days — one page a day — and she has mentioned the date of each day.

Deep distress

A part of her death note read: “I am really sorry for doing this. Pappa I love you so much. As I spoke to you I am not able to take it anymore. It is becoming difficult ‘appa’ (father). I had high hopes that I would make it big in the cinema industry. All hopes are dashed. Sorry mommy, as I said I will come today, I did not know I would come this way. So sorry Ma. I am so sorry about this. Please Pappa, you have to take care of mother.

“I love you all. Behind this my mental state is not good. Health issues are killing from inside. So I felt better doing this. I am so sorry. Even now I don’t feel like doing this. But, Pappa, mommy, I am sorry, I love you for everything.”

In her last couple of posts on social media, Savi had turned emotional where she had shared that people and relationships have to be sacrificed if one focuses on career. In one of the posts she wrote, “Please do not ill-treat anyone. People who have smiling faces have a lot of pain but are invisible to the outside world.” 

Father blames co-actor

Savi’s father Madappa told the Police that his daughter was living alone in the apartment and expressed doubts that she has committed suicide. “She is courageous and only two days back she had asked me Rs. 1 lakh for some commitment and today morning too she spoke with her mother. She was in a good frame of mind and had told her mother that she would come home today. We are shocked,” he told the Police. 

In his complaint, Madappa has blamed TV actor Vivek and his daughter’s make-up man Mahesh for harassing Savi. Madappa alleged that Vivek was pressurising his daughter to marry him and Mahesh was assisting Vivek.

This post was published on October 1, 2021 6:38 pm