By Dr. R. Balasubramaniam
There are few joys in professional life as pure as reading the CVs of young professionals trying very hard to sound like CEOs disguised as interns. It is a roller-coaster of ambition, creativity, and pure linguistic acrobatics. Reviewing their applications feels less like recruitment and more like reading a fantasy novel — except the magic wand is Microsoft Excel and every bullet point is a spell.
If their CVs are to be believed, we should already be living in a perfect world. Hunger? Solved. Climate change? Neutralised. Global conflict? Mediated via Slack by a 23-year-old who once suggested a different font for a team newsletter.
From simple tasks to executive impact
The transformation of basic tasks into epic achievements is something to behold.
They did not upload a PDF to Google Drive —They digitally orchestrated cloud-based documentation strategies to enhance cross-functional team accessibility.
They did not attend a Zoom call and say “yes” twice — They actively contributed to high-level strategic alignment discussions with executive stakeholders.
They did not make a Canva poster for the office retreat — They developed brand-centric visual communication assets to boost internal community engagement metrics.
It is not just padding — it is performance art.
Interviewing the legends
The real comedy begins when you meet the authors of these masterpieces during interviews.
Me: “Tell me about your leadership role in the sustainability initiative?”
Candidate: “Oh, I attended a few meetings and once brought donuts to the office meeting.”
Me: “You mentioned streamlining cross-departmental processes?”
Candidate: “Yeah, I made a shared Google Sheet. People did not use it, though.”
The confidence with which they claim to have “redefined operational workflows” by moving files from one folder to another is astonishing. It is not lying. It is aspirational truth. Like calling your cat “Chief Security Officer” because it knocked over a spider once.
If CVs told the truth…
If we took everything at face value, these applicants have collectively:
Invented blockchain (twice).
Saved 14 companies from bankruptcy using Canva.
Delivered keynote speeches by posting on their Instagram stories.
Optimised team productivity by bringing samosas on Wednesdays.
And if we built an organisation out of all their claimed skills? We would have something truly magical.
Welcome to Bragify Inc
Let us imagine the startup built solely from the accumulated talents found on padded CVs. Meet Bragify: The Company that does everything, but mainly meetings.
CEO (aged 24): Visionary leader with a proven track record of ideation frameworks and synergy enforcement.
CTO: Developed machine learning models to predict team pizza preferences with 87% accuracy. Tech stack: Google Sheets, vibes.
COO: Expert in logistics. Once ordered lunch for the whole team — everyone got what they asked for.
Head of Impact: Picked up trash at the beach. Passionate about sustainability, story-telling and posting about both.
Product Lead: Redesigned the company newsletter. Click-through rate doubled (from 2 to 4).
The company’s mission?
To revolutionise industries through buzzwords, while disrupting nothing and deeply aligning with synergies no one can quite define.
Their daily operations would include:
• 3 brainstorming sessions (no follow-ups).
• 4 hours of “ideation sprints” (aka making lists).
• 1 mandatory “impact hour” (posting quotes on social media).
• And a quarterly hackathon where no code is written but everyone agrees they “ideated collaboratively in a high-pressure innovation environment.”
A salute to the overachievers
All jokes aside, there is something undeniably charming about it all. This kind of creativity — even if completely over-the-top — is rooted in effort. It is the hustle, inflated for effect. Sure, the CVs can be unintentionally hilarious, but the people behind them are often smart, scrappy and trying their best to stand out in a noisy world.
Still, if you have ever reviewed 200 applications in one sitting and found 137 people who claim they “led cross-functional teams to execute data-driven growth strategies,” you will understand why it starts to feel like every intern was single-handedly running ISRO on Tuesdays.
So, here’s to them:
The CV Ninjas.
The Bullet Point Bards.
The Excel Wizards of Middle Management.
You have made recruitment entertaining, and for that alone — you deserve a LinkedIn endorsement in “Strategic Exaggeration.”
[Dr. R. Balasubramaniam is the Founder of Swami Vivekananda Youth Movement. ‘The Lighter Side’ is a series of satirical articles meant to bring a smile by highlighting the funny side of everyday life.]
This post was published on August 20, 2025 5:55 pm