By Dr. R. Balasubramaniam

Once upon a time, having children was the obvious next step in life. You got married, had kids, raised them and eventually let them decide which old-age home you deserved. Not anymore.

Welcome to the era of voluntary childlessness. Where several Generation Z and late Millennials, armed with oat milk, therapy-speak and an excellent Wi-Fi connection, have united in saying: “Kids? Nah, we are good.”

The world is on fire (literally and figuratively)

Their reasons are many — and not entirely unreasonable. They look around and see climate change, inflation and global conflict. They notice job insecurity and artificial intelligence taking over human intelligence. They ask: “Why would I bring a child into this mess?” It is a valid question. But it is also a little like saying, “The kitchen is on fire, so let us never cook again.”

The safety paranoia

Today’s young adults worry if they can even keep a house-plant alive, let alone a small human. Their worst nightmare? A toddler who accidentally goes viral on social media or worse, finds their old TikTok videos. They imagine children wandering into online dangers, offline bullies and 7-hour school days packed with assessments and anxiety. One said, “I can barely manage my own anxiety. You want me to parent someone else’s?”

Fair enough. But consider this. Every generation has had its version of impending doom. Our grandparents had wars. Our parents experienced fuel shortages, rationing and Cold Wars. We had landline phones and dial-up internet. And yet, here we are.

Self-care Vs child-care

Let us also talk about the freedom argument. Many say they prefer a child-free life because they value their time, peace and independence. After all, how can you travel the world if you are home toilet-training a creature who believes bananas belong in the washing machine?

This is where it gets paradoxical. The assertion is, “We don’t want to be selfish and bring a child into a terrible world.” On the surface, that sounds noble. But underneath it lies a more individualistic narrative, “We want to live our best lives, without interruption.” Which is fair. But let us call it what it is. It sounds selfish too.

The hidden joys they are opting out of

What many miss in the conversation is this — parenting is not just a responsibility. It is also deeply fulfilling in a way that is hard to articulate. There is joy in seeing the world through a child’s eyes. In hearing their mispronounced words. In bedtime stories. In the small hands that find yours. In realising that, against all odds, you are becoming your own parents.

Yes, parenting is exhausting. Yes, it is a long game. But it also teaches patience, empathy and a kind of love that has no conditions (except maybe snacks). It grounds you in ways that no mindfulness app can. You are forced to think beyond yourself. And ironically, that is the very anti-selfishness the child-free argument tries to champion.

To have or not to have

There is no universal answer here. It is a personal choice. But let us not paint it only in shades of fear or duty. Let us acknowledge the complexity. And maybe, just maybe, admit that choosing not to have kids does not always stem from concern for the child. It often stems from concern for the self.

And for those on the fence; no, your child will not come with an instruction manual. But neither did your smartphone and you figured that out just fine.

[Dr. R. Balasubramaniam is the Founder of Swami Vivekananda Youth Movement. ‘The Lighter Side’ is a series of satirical articles meant to bring a smile by highlighting the funny side of everyday life.]