As the lockdown continues with the ever-increasing list of symptoms for COVID-19, most of us are sure to second guess and even panic at least once during the lockdown.

Initially, we were told to look out for chronic dry cough, followed by fever and then difficulty in breathing. Then suddenly diarrhoea was declared a symptom.

Just imagine if we ate some bad cooking and many of us these days are “enjoying” some very unpalatable cuisines as our spouses embark on a culinary adventure like never before, and have the runs, should one worry? Or just wait till the fever and suffocation catches up to see a doctor? 

Then came the news that signs of “disorientation or exhaustion” could also be a symptom.

Banal conversations, anxious discussions about the economy, the tension of secretly applying hand sanitiser while you wait in line at a grocery store lest someone asks you “Brother swalpa press madtheera” or makes a sweet request of “Can I please have a small squeeze” could induce disorientation and exhaustion in anyone. No, not because you misinterpret their request for a blob of hand sanitiser, but because all the above forced interactions are tiring, exhausting and disorientating. So should one worry about these symptoms or just wait? 

To add to our confusion, the Centre for Disease Control and Prevention stated, “Severe confusion or an inability to wake up or be alert can be warning signs.”

But we are confused all the time these days. We aren’t sure what day it is. We are conflicted about what to watch on Netflix. Adding to this confusion are high-decibel news anchors who leave us disoriented, unable to even recall when we bathed last. And no one is alert these days as most of us stare into our phones well into  the wee hours of the morning. So should we worry?

Finally, to get out of this chaos we try to do yoga or follow home fitness videos. But exercising could induce aches and the World Health Organisation says that about 14 percent of COVID patients reported muscle aches! So should we worry?

Now all this confusion about symptoms could give anyone a headache. Oh! But then according to a study published in the prominent medical journal “The Lancet”, about 8 percent of COVID-19 patients reported headaches. So now if we get a headache worrying about getting a headache we will not know whether it’s just a regular headache or a COVID headache?

Urghh… by the end of this lockdown we may end up pulling our hair out in frustration. Ah! But let’s look at the bright side, no more worrying about haircuts.

All this changing COVID symptoms reminds me of a joke.

A suspected COVID patient, a white male, about 55 years old in England was lying in a hospital bed wearing an oxygen mask over his face. A young female trainee nurse came by his bed to give him a partial sponge bath.

As she wiped his chest, he mumbled from behind the mask, “Nurse, nurse”.  She said, “Yes sir, how may I help you?” The patient asked, “Nurse, are my  testicles black?”

The young trainee nurse was taken aback and embarrassed. But she replied, “I don’t know sir, I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.” The patient again, struggling for breath asked, “Nurse, please…please tell me, are my testicles black?”

Aware of the many COVID symptoms popping up every day she thought this could be another new one, so she overcame her awkwardness and pulled back the blanket covering the man.

She then bent low to take a good look at his testicles. She then reported with a sigh of relief, “Oh! Good news sir. Your testicles are not black.”

The man then with great effort pulled himself up, removed his mask, smiled and said “Sweetheart, thank you very much. That was wonderful. But listen very, very, closely this time…I just  want to know… ARE – MY – TEST – RESULTS – BACK?”

As every other manifestation of a lifestyle choice seems like a symptom, guess laughter is the best medicine we have for now. A happy and a joyous disposition may give us the positive attitude that will keep us COVID negative.

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