A young woman recently declared on social media: “Arranged marriage is glorified in India because it’s the only way 70% of men who are creepy, useless and don’t know how to talk to women can get a wife.”

The remark offended many. But beneath its provocation lies a cultural discomfort worth examining.

Arranged marriages are not designed around romance. They prioritise family alignment, caste continuity, financial stability and social reputation.

Emotional fluency, flirtation, charm or even grooming are not decisive factors. If a man’s education, income, horoscope and background are aligned, the rest is negotiable.

For generations, this structure has insulated Indian men from developing romantic competence. In Urban India, the script for partnership has changed.

Urban Indian women, shaped by financial independence and global exposure, are increasingly seeking emotional companionship, intellectual exchange, healthy physical intimacy, shared domestic responsibility and basic hygiene.

Many Indian men, raised in gender-segregated environments with limited platonic interaction with women struggle in this new marketplace of ‘direct courtship.’

Cinema has not helped either. For decades, mainstream Indian films framed love as a pursuit rather than a partnership.

Movies, even those made recently, show that in romance persistence is rewarded, resistance is romanticised and obsession is masqueraded as devotion.

Meanwhile, streaming platforms expose Indian women to more appealing models of intimacy which are built on consent, dialogue and mutual growth.

Add dating apps to this equation and the rules shift dramatically.

Women now choose directly and this transition has left many urban women dissatisfied with the men in these dating pools.

But the problem is not that Indian men are inherently incapable of romance. It is that many were never required to practise it.

The solution is evolution, not humiliation.

Indian boys must be raised with emotional vocabulary, domestic competence and comfort around women as peers. Mixed-gender socialisation should be normalised.

Romance must revolve around curiosity, empathy and shared growth and not around a sense of conquest.

At the same time, women must temper their dating app-induced expectations. Having thousands of swipes does not entitle one to expect a man from their fantasy or a cinematic hero.

The question is: Will Indian men evolve to meet the expectations of modern romance?

Sadly, they fail in the very first step — conversation. And there is a reason for it.

Unlike many Western societies, India’s long-standing discomfort with natural interaction between young men and women has produced an unintended consequence… conversational awkwardness on both sides.

Many Indian men are not merely poor at flirting, they struggle to even begin a simple conversation with a woman.

The Indian women, raised in the same social framework, while claiming to be an ‘independent woman,’ often waits for the man to take the initiative.

The result is a social stalemate. Two people interested in each other but neither equipped to bridge the silence gap.

Maybe that’s why earlier youngsters found it easier to simply ride their motorcycles up and down a girl’s house, revving their motorbikes just enough to signal intent. It was like Morse Code on two wheels.

While the girl appeared at the window, acknowledging the effort with a faint smile.

Luckily, youngsters today do a better job. They have evolved from motorcycle signals to conversation…even if it starts with an unimaginative “wassup” on WhatsApp.

All the same, long drawn-out, incommunicado romantic intent seems terribly exhausting. No wonder, many still have arranged marriages. You can skip all the demands of modern romance and head straight to the bedroom for the much-awaited, good old Mummy-Daddy arranged ‘first night.’

What is ironic about arranged marriage is the parents’ behaviour. What begins as a conservative arrangement with the expectation of the groom being a good boy aka no smoking, no drinking, no girlfriends, virile, etc., and the bride being a good girl aka bright, beautiful, fertile and a virgin, etc., the parents then suddenly become liberal and libertine as they are quite happy with their children fornicating after having met just a few times !

They even cheer them on by booking a hotel room, decorating it and even placing a refreshing drink by their bedside !

This volte-face from being conservative to shockingly liberal is nothing short of schizophrenia !

That said, arranged marriage itself need not be discarded. Today, many modern arranged marriages incorporate an element of meaningful courtship before the nuptials that leads to healthy and successful marriages. But the insulation it once provided, mostly to men, is thinning.

The fact remains simple: If you wish to be desired, make yourself desirable. That principle applies equally across genders and both have to evolve.

For those who don’t want to evolve, don’t worry, you will still get to fornicate and even procreate as Mummy-Daddy, money-caste, obsession with family reputation and status will bridge the evolution gap.

No wonder, 90% of urban Indian marriages are still arranged.