By Dr. R. Balasubramaniam

Every office has one. Every classroom. Every Indian family. That one person for whom the concept of punctuality is more of a “friendly suggestion” than a social norm. Their internal clock is permanently set to “just missed it.” Yet, despite the delays, despite the frustration, you have to hand it to them — they never  come unprepared.

No, they arrive armed with an excuse. It is so uniquely crafted and emotionally compelling. It leaves you too baffled — or too guilty — to even be annoyed.

Office Drama: Tardy Tarun

It is 10.12 am. The weekly team sync began at 9.45. Tarun strolls in like he is the keynote speaker at a spiritual retreat.

“Boss, sorry — you will not believe it. My upstairs aunty’s cat fell into the water tank on the terrace. She was panicking, so I had to climb up and rescue it. Barefoot. I slipped twice.”

He says it all with such tragic sincerity, you start questioning your own anger. Was he late, or did destiny delay him?

Tarun proceeds to contribute nothing. As the meeting ends, he chimes in: “Wait, wait — can we just recap what we decided? I zoned out during Slide 4. Side effect of the anti-rabies injection.”

The Passive-Aggressive

Latecomer: Manipulative Mahesh

Then there is Mahesh — a next-level professional. His lateness comes with a twist: you end up feeling responsible  for it.

You walk into office at 9.30. By 10.15, no Mahesh. At 10.37, he appears looking exhausted. Hair unkempt. Shirt wrinkled. Under-eye bags large enough to carry groceries.

“Sir… that report you wanted? I was up all night. Slept at 7 am. I swear I just closed my eyes and boom — 10.30. I could not even set an alarm… too tired.”

You blink. Wait. Your report kept him up? You are the reason he is late?

He continues: “Honestly, not blaming you sir. I just didn’t want to let you down. That is why I pushed through.”

Now you are sitting there, emotionally blackmailed, thanking him for being late.

Classroom Chaos:

Always-Late Ashley

Every college has an Ashley. I had her in my class when I was teaching at an Ivy League. She arrives at class like she is making a guest appearance. She is just late enough to dodge attendance and just early enough to  claim victim-hood.

“Dr. Balu, sorry! Professor Dean made us stay. Extra tutorial. I told him I had another class, but he just would not listen. What could I do?”

You have heard about Professor Dean so many times, you start to wonder if he is holding students hostage. You later find out he is on study leave in Canada.

One day she claimed she was late because of a random dog on campus “looked like it needed company.” What do you even say to that? You are not heartless.

Family Edition: Last-Minute Lakshmi

Meet Lakshmi Mami (aunt) — the undisputed champion of the “Just five more minutes” genre. The family’s leaving for a cousin’s engagement. Uber’s waiting. Everyone is dressed, grumpy, and sweating.

She is still inside trying to pin her saree. Not because she is slow — but because she tried on four outfits and rejected all of them. Twice.

She emerges at last, radiant and unapologetic. “I had to redo my eye-liner. It was looking too smudged. It is a function, not a crime scene.”

By now, dinner service is halfway done, and the bride’s about to change into her second saree.

But who can stay mad? She is carrying home-made Mysore Pak in a steel dabba. Game over.

Excuse Hall of Fame

The best part about perpetually late people isn’t the delay — it is the dazzling range of excuses they bring. Here is a sample of the finest from   the subcontinent:

• Wildlife Encounters: “A monkey took my lunch-box. Had to chase him  for 15 minutes.”

• Spiritual Blackmail: “My ajji (granny) was watching the puja. She said if I left before Aarti ended, bad luck would follow me all day.”

• Transport Tragedy: “The auto broke down and the driver said Mercury is in retrograde. I did not want to argue.”

• Bureaucratic Blame: “Building watchman would not open the gate. He said I look too shady in the mornings.”

• Weather Woes: “It was humid. My hair puffed up like a mushroom. I could not show up like that.”

You are laughing, but also slightly impressed. It is like they have a backup excuse generator always running    in the background.

The Philosophy of Punctuality (or Lack Thereof)

In India, punctuality is not a universally shared virtue — it is more of a personality trait. And for people like Tarun, Mahesh and Lakshmi Mami, time is not something you follow. It is something you negotiate with.

They do not believe in being on time. They believe in arriving with a story.

And sure, they drive you mad. They make you wait. They throw off your entire schedule. But they also make your day just a little bit more entertaining. Because when they walk in late with that perfect mix of confidence, guilt-tripping and cow-based excuse — you realise they are not just late.

They are legends.

And you? You are just part of their epic time-line.

[Dr. R. Balasubramaniam is the Founder of Swami Vivekananda Youth Movement. ‘The Lighter Side’ is a series of satirical articles that one hopes will evoke laughter of what many of us experience in real life.]