Sir,

KBG’s Abracadabra on  MOTHER was touching (SOM dated Aug. 8). His description of losing his mother in a way that needn’t have been was almost like a confession. We still haven’t found the answers as to why elders sometimes become stubborn and refuse to co-operate with their well-meaning children in taking care and end up in tragic situations. Sometimes the children will not be guilty at all of neglecting their parents but it looks like they are.

Elders sometimes fail to understand that present times are more demanding and stressful for the youth and misunderstand that they are not being cared for. They imagine that they can lead an independent life which obviously is not safe.

Sometimes they refuse to adapt to the lifestyles of their children and become stubborn just to prove a point which might end up in situations that will leave the children feeling guilty for the rest of their lives.

I should share my observation of this cheerful sight where a couple of elderly men sit in a row at bus stops, parks and outside temples every evening around a particular time with childlike joyful faces just for the satisfaction of being heard or spoken to by people of their age. They disperse contented after they’ve had a happy session. This way they can communicate their feelings with people who will respond in a way they would’ve wanted. Some elderly like my mother, who is a very practical person, readily agreed to move out of her home of 20 years just to help me to be near her and be of assistance when she needed it. She has her space and freedom and we have ours, we support one another in times of need and hope to spend the remaining days content, happy and guilt-free.

I really wish more elderly understand the situation of today’s youth and co-operate in the best way possible to help them to take care of elders, spouse and their own children as well as their careers.

– Anupama B. Pandit, Hebbal, 9.8.2017

NOTE: The correspondent is right in her observation. These elders often fail to understand the problem of their children and refuse to co-operate. I know of a case where the son came from America and was shown three old-age homes only to be rejected on the grounds of many imagined reasons. He was helpless and reluctantly decided to take the old man to America but ego worked against it. The son had to rush back to his job. And the old man remained where he was. I do not know what happened to him thereafter.

On 15th July, 2017, an 88-year-old man Rajagopal and his 80-year-old wife Aparna committed suicide by consuming pesticides refusing to move away from their own house in Periyapatna to a rented place in Mysuru as decided by their children.—KBG

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