By Dr. R. Balasubramaniam

Aging is a wonderful journey —one that comes with wisdom, experience and, most importantly, the ability to completely forget someone’s name the second they walk away. It’s not that I don’t care. I do. It’s just that my brain, once a powerful machine of recall, now behaves more like a distracted intern who forgets to take notes.

Every day, I meet new people. Every day, I forget new people. Their faces seem vaguely familiar, their smiles warm and their enthusiasm in greeting me suggests we’ve had meaningful conversations before. And yet, I find myself stuck in a recurring scene of a play I don’t remember auditioning for.

The art of pretending to remember

Over time, I have mastered the delicate art of faking recognition. The key is to look engaged while my mind frantically searches its archives, which, by the way, resembles a poorly organised library where all the books have fallen off the shelves.

1. The confident nod: If someone walks up and greets me like an old friend, I nod in return, exuding an air of familiarity. The trick is to look like I was just about to say their name — but was interrupted by fate (or, more accurately, my own memory failure).

2. The classic “How have you been?”: This is my go-to. It is broad, non-committal and forces the other person to supply clues about our last meeting. If I’m lucky, they’ll drop enough hints for me to piece together the mystery.

3. The reverse introduction: This is when I introduce them to someone else first, hoping they’ll say their own name. Of course, this backfires if my companion also expects me to remember the name, leading to an awkward moment of mutual amnesia.

Coping strategies for the future

As I anticipate my memory challenges only increasing, I have devised some foolproof (or at least moderately effective) strategies to survive social interactions.

1. The name whisperer: I might hire a discreet assistant to stand behind me and subtly whisper people’s names into my ear. This could get expensive, but it’s worth considering.

2. The universal greeting: I plan to call everyone “My Friend.” It’s warm, inclusive and, most importantly, prevents any name-related disasters.

3. The selective memory defence: If caught forgetting someone’s name, I will simply shake my head and say, “Ah, you know, ever since my deep study on the impact of modern distractions on human memory, I’ve been testing myself. You, of course, are an advanced challenge.”

4. The emergency phone trick: I’ll pretend to receive an urgent call whenever I see someone approaching whose name is lost in the abyss. By the time I return, hopefully, someone else will have said their name.

5. The honest approach: If all else fails, I might just admit, “I’m so sorry, my memory is terrible these days. Could you remind me of your name?” Of course, this works only once per person before they start taking it personally.

Aging may come with a few challenges, but with a bit of strategy, humour and a well-rehearsed smile, I plan to navigate the sea of forgotten names with dignity. And if you see me and I look slightly confused — just assume I’m processing highly important information. Or trying to remember if we’ve met before.

[Dr. R. Balasubramaniam, the Founder of Swami Vivekananda Youth Movement, is currently the Member-HR at the Capacity Building Commission of the Government of India, New Delhi.]